17 April 2015

EJ&T Joel - Malachi: Get drunk and naked, prepare for war, and walk humbly with your God

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

  1. Wake up, you drunkards; weep and howl, because your wine is cut off.
  2. Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of wine, because of the new wine; for it is cut off from your mouth. Joel 1:5

  3. Mourn like a virgin in sackcloth for the husband of her youth.
  4. Lament like a virgin girded with sackcloth for the husband of her youth. Joel 1:8

  5. Fast, call an assembly, blow a trumpet, and sound an alarm on God's holy mountain.
  6. Sanctify ye a fast, call a solemn assembly, gather the elders and all the inhabitants of the land into the house of the LORD your God, and cry unto the LORD. Joel 1:14

    Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain. Joel 2:1

    Blow the trumpet in Zion, sanctify a fast, call a solemn assembly. Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet. Joel 2:15-16

    Assemble yourselves, and come, all ye heathen, and gather yourselves together round about: thither cause thy mighty ones to come down, O LORD. Let the heathen be wakened. Joel 3:11-12

    Gather yourselves together, yea, gather together, O nation not desired. Zephanaiah 2:3

  7. Prepare for war.
  8. Prepare war, wake up the mighty men, let all the men of war draw near; let them come up: Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears. Joel 3:9-10

  9. Seek good and avoid evil.
  10. Seek good, and not evil. Amos 5:14

    Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate. Amos 5:15

  11. Love mercy.
  12. Love mercy. Micah 6:8

  13. Walk humbly with God.
  14. Walk humbly with thy God. Micah 6:8

  15. Don't talk to your wife.
  16. Keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. Micah 7:5

  17. Get drunk and naked.
  18. Drink thou also, and let thy foreskin be uncovered. Habakkuk 2:16

  19. Howl.
  20. Howl ye; for the day of the LORD is at hand; it shall come as a destruction from the Almighty. Isaiah 13:6

    Howl, O gate; cry, O city; thou, whole Palestina, art dissolved: for there shall come from the north a smoke, and none shall be alone in his appointed times. Isaiah 14:31

    Howl, ye ships of Tarshish; for it is laid waste. Isaiah 23:1

    Howl, ye inhabitants of the isle. Isaiah 23:6

    Howl, ye shepherds, and cry; and wallow yourselves in the ashes, ye principal of the flock: for the days of your slaughter and of your dispersions are accomplished; and ye shall fall like a pleasant vessel. Jeremaiah 25:34

    Howl and cry; tell ye it in Arnon, that Moab is spoiled. Jeremaiah 48:20

    Howl, O Heshbon, for Ai is spoiled: cry, ye daughters of Rabbah, gird you with sackcloth; lament, and run to and fro by the hedges. Jeremaiah 49:3

    Babylon is suddenly fallen and destroyed: howl for her. Jeremaiah 51:8

    Thus saith the Lord GOD; Howl ye, Woe worth the day! Ezekiel 30:2

    Howl, all ye drinkers of wine, because of the new wine; for it is cut off from your mouth. Joel 1:5

    Be ye ashamed, O ye husbandmen; howl, O ye vinedressers. Joel 1:11

    Howl, ye ministers of the altar: come, lie all night in sackcloth. Joel 1:13

    Howl, ye inhabitants of Maktesh, for all the merchant people are cut down; all they that bear silver are cut off. Zephaniah 1:11

    Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you. James 5:1

  21. Consider your ways.
  22. Consider your ways. Haggai 1:7

  23. Go to the mountain and build God a house for him to take pleasure in.
  24. Go up to the mountain, and bring wood, and build the house; and I will take pleasure in it. Haggai 1:8

  25. Don't be like your fathers.
  26. Be ye not as your fathers, unto whom the former prophets have cried, saying, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Turn ye now from your evil ways, and from your evil doings: but they did not hear, nor hearken unto me, saith the LORD. Zechariah 1:4

  27. Be silent.
  28. Be silent, O all flesh, before the LORD: for he is raised up out of his holy habitation. Zecharaiah 2:13

  29. Don't wish or plot evil against your brother.
  30. Let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart. Zechariah 7:10

    Let none of you imagine evil in your hearts against his neighbour. Zechariah 8:17

  31. Ask God for rain in the time of the latter rain.
  32. Ask ye of the LORD rain in the time of the latter rain Zecharaiah 10:1

  33. Feed the flock of the slaughter.
  34. Thus saith the LORD my God; Feed the flock of the slaughter. Zechariah 11:4

  35. Let the dead be dead, and let everyone else eat the flesh of another.
  36. That that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another. Zechariah 11:9

  37. Be kind to your wife.
  38. Let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. ... Take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Malachi 2:15-16

  39. Bring the tithes into the storehouse.
  40. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house. Malachi 3:10

EJ&T Ezekiel: Don't come near a menstruous woman

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

  1. Repent.
  2. Thus saith the Lord GOD; Repent, and turn yourselves from your idols; and turn away your faces from all your abominations. Ezekiel 14:6

    Repent, and turn yourselves from all your transgressions ... Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit. Ezekiel 14:30

    Therefore also now, saith the LORD, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning ... Rend your heart, and not your garments. Joel 2:12-13

    In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea, And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Matthew 3:1-2

    Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Matthew 4:17

    Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye. Mark 1:14-15

  3. Don't be proud.
  4. Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride ... And they were haughty. Ezekiel 14:49-50

  5. Don't eat too much bread.
  6. Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom ... fulness of bread. Ezekiel 14:49

  7. Keep yourself and your daughters busy.
  8. Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom ... abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters. Ezekiel 14:49

  9. Don't commit abominations in front of God.
  10. Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom ... they .... committed abomination before me. Ezekiel 14:49-50

  11. Don't eat on mountains.
  12. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and hath not eaten upon the mountains. Ezekiel 18:5-6

  13. Don't lift up your eyes to Israel's idols.
  14. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel. Ezekiel 18:5-6

  15. Don't defile your neighbor's wife.
  16. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife. Ezekiel 18:5-7

  17. Don't come near a menstruous woman.
  18. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... neither hath come near to a menstruous woman. Ezekiel 18:5-6

  19. Return the collateral after a debt is paid.
  20. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... hath restored to the debtor his pledge. Ezekiel 18:5-7

  21. Don't commit armed robbery.
  22. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... hath spoiled none by violence. Ezekiel 18:5-7

  23. Feed the hungry.
  24. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... hath given his bread to the hungry. Ezekiel 18:5-7

  25. Clothe the naked.
  26. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... hath covered the naked with a garment. Ezekiel 18:5-7

  27. Withdraw your hand from iniquity.
  28. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, and ... hath withdrawn his hand from iniquity. Ezekiel 18:5-8

  29. Deal truly.
  30. If a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right ... to deal truly. Ezekiel 18:5-8

  31. Cast away the abominations of your eyes.
  32. Cast ye away every man the abominations of his eyes. Ezekiel 20:7

  33. Don't defile yourself with Egyptian idols.
  34. Defile not yourselves with the idols of Egypt. Ezekiel 20:7

14 April 2015

EJ&T Jeremiah and Lamentations: Eat your own goddamned sacrifices

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

  1. Don't pray for certain people.
  2. Pray not thou for this people, neither lift up cry nor prayer for them, neither make intercession to me: for I will not hear thee. Jeremiah 7:16

    Pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble. Jeremiah 11:14

    Then said the LORD unto me, Pray not for this people for their good. Jeremiah 14:11

  3. Eat your own sacrifices and burnt offerings. God never asked for them and doesn't want them.
  4. Put your burnt offerings unto your sacrifices, and eat flesh. For I spake not unto your fathers, nor commanded them in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, concerning burnt offerings or sacrifices: Jeremiah 7:21-22

  5. Don't trust anyone. Not even your family, friends, or neighbors.
  6. Take ye heed every one of his neighbour, and trust ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders. And they will deceive every one his neighbour, and will not speak the truth: they have taught their tongue to speak lies, and weary themselves to commit iniquity. Thine habitation is in the midst of deceit; through deceit they refuse to know me, saith the Lord. Jeremiah 9:4-6

    Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide. Micah 7:5

  7. Don't worry about the signs of heaven.
  8. Be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. Jeremiah 10:2

  9. Don't be afraid of heathens.
  10. Be not afraid of them [heathens]; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good. Jeremiah 10:5

  11. Don't listen to prophets.
  12. Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD. Jeremiah 27:16

    Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Let not your prophets and your diviners, that be in the midst of you, deceive you, neither hearken to your dreams which ye cause to be dreamed. For they prophesy falsely unto you in my name. Jeremiah 29:7-8

  13. Don't cry.
  14. Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16

  15. Free your Hebrew slaves.
  16. This is the word that came unto Jeremiah from the LORD ... that every man should let his manservant, and every man his maidservant, being an Hebrew or an Hebrewess, go free. Jeremiah 34:9

08 April 2015

EJ&T Isaiah: Thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth and suck the breasts of kings

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

There's a lot of crazy stuff in Isaiah, and some of it is written in the form of commands. Here are a few examples:
Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers. Isaiah 14:21

Loose the sackcloth from off thy loins, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. Isaiah 20:2

Thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth; thou shalt say unto it, Get thee hence. Isaiah 30:22

Tremble, ye women that are at ease; be troubled, ye careless ones: strip you, and make you bare, and gird sackcloth upon your loins. Isaiah 32:11

Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground ... Make bare the leg, uncover the thigh ... Thy nakedness shall be uncovered. Isaiah 47:2-3

Neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree. Isaiah 56:3

Draw near hither, ye sons of the sorceress, the seed of the adulterer and the whore. Isaiah 57:3

Thou shalt ... suck the breast of kings. Isaiah 60:16

These are commands from God, but are they commandments? Probably not. Some are directed at Isaiah, some to Babylonians, some to Israelites, some to eunuchs, sons of sorceresses, adulterers, and whores, And some of these commands are just trash talk directed at no one in particular. So I left them off the list.

I'll probably have to eliminate some of the crazier commands from the Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. I don't know what "Cast thy bread upon the waters" means, but it seems more like a suggestion than a commandment.

When I finish the list, I'll group them by topic and decide which to include or exclude. I'd appreciate any advice that you might have on this. I want to get the Bible's commandments right -- every jot and tittle!


Here are commands in Isaiah that I've included in the commandments.

  1. Don't bring God any more vain oblations.
  2. Bring no more vain oblations. Isaiah 1:13

  3. Wash yourself.
  4. Wash you, make you clean. Isaiah 1:16

  5. Seek judgment.
  6. Seek judgment. Isaiah 1:17

  7. Relieve the oppressed.
  8. Relieve the oppressed. Isaiah 1:17

  9. Judge the fatherless.
  10. Judge the fatherless. Isaiah 1:17

  11. Plead for the widow.
  12. Plead for the widow. Isaiah 1:17

  13. Don't value human life.
  14. Cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils: for wherein is he to be accounted of? Isaiah 2:22

  15. Tell the righteous people that everything will be OK for them.
  16. Say ye to the righteous, that it shall be well with him: for they shall eat the fruit of their doings. Isaiah 3:10

  17. Make God holy.
  18. Sanctify the LORD of hosts himself. Isaiah 8:13

  19. Bind up Isaiah's testimony and seal the law among his disciples.
  20. Bind up the testimony, seal the law among my disciples. Isaiah 8:16

  21. Say to those who are afraid, "Be strong."
  22. Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you. Isaiah 35:4

  23. Look at God and be saved.
  24. Look unto me, and be ye saved. Isaiah 45:22

  25. Remember things that happened a long time ago.
  26. Remember the former things of old. Isaiah 46:9

07 April 2015

EJ&T Ecclesiastes: Wear white clothes, drink wine with a merry heart, and cast your bread upon the waters

In the Every Jot and Tittle project, I am listing all of the Bible's commandments from Genesis to Revelation, in accordance with Jesus's words in Matthew 5:18-19. I have no idea how many commandments I'll find, but Jewish tradition claims there are 613. See here for a list of those that I've found so far.

  1. When you go to the house of God, listen rather than give the evil sacrifice of fools.
  2. Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil. Ecclesiastes 5:1

  3. Don't be hasty to say things to God. The less you say to him the better.
  4. Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.Ecclesiastes 5:2

  5. Don't say, "Why were things better in the good old days?"
  6. Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this. Ecclesiastes 7:10

  7. Consider the work of God.
  8. Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked? Ecclesiastes 7:13

  9. Don't be overly righteous.
  10. Be not righteous over much. Ecclesiastes 7:16

  11. Don't be overly wise.
  12. Neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Ecclesiastes 7:16

  13. Don't be overly wicked.
  14. Be not over much wicked. Ecclesiastes 7:17

  15. Don't be foolish.
  16. Neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time? Ecclesiastes 7:17

  17. Don't pay attention to everything people say.
  18. Take no heed unto all words that are spoken. Ecclesiastes 7:21

  19. Keep the king's commandment.
  20. Keep the king's commandment, and that in regard of the oath of God.Ecclesiastes 8:2

  21. Don't be hasty to leave the king's sight.
  22. Be not hasty to go out of his [the king's] sight. Ecclesiastes 8:3

  23. Don't stand in an evil thing.
  24. Stand not in an evil thing. Ecclesiastes 8:3

  25. Eat bread with joy and drink wine with a merry heart.
  26. Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart. Ecclesiastes 9:7

  27. Always wear white clothes.
  28. Let thy garments be always white. Ecclesiastes 9:8

  29. Always have some ointment on your head.
  30. Let thy head lack no ointment. Ecclesiastes 9:8

  31. Live life to the fullest. It's the only life you'll ever have.
  32. Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. Ecclesiastes 9:10

  33. Don't curse the rich.
  34. Curse not the rich in thy bedchamber: for a bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings shall tell the matter. Ecclesiastes 10:20

  35. Cast your bread upon the waters.
  36. Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. Ecclesiastes 11:1

  37. Give some to seven or eight.
  38. Give a portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall be upon the earth. Ecclesiastes 11:2

  39. Be happy while you are young.
  40. Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. Remove sorrow from thy heart. Ecclesiastes 11:9-10