18 December 2007

In case you missed it, the answer to Huckabee's question is yes

(But don't say anything about it to anyone or think about it yourself. It's unconstitutional!)

Back in February, when Mitt Romney announced his intention to run for president, I suggested that someone should ask him about the Mormon Jesus. And,as we all know, someone did.

I doubt if Mike Huckabee was taking my suggestion, though. He probably doesn't read my blog or visit the SAB.

But it was a good question, nonetheless; and although neither Romney nor the LDS church would answer it, the answer is yes. Mormons believe that Jesus is Satan's older brother.

The question is answered in the Pearl of Great Price, which (along with the Bible and the Book of Mormon) is a part of LDS scripture. So I've decided to include it at the SAB. I've just got started on it (I'm on the first chapter of the Book of Abraham). I'll have more to say about it as I go along.

Until then, here's a good summary of what Mormons believe (but refuse to say) about Jesus.

Oh, and here's a picture of the two brothers. (Jesus is on the right.)

06 December 2007

Don't ask Mitt about his beliefs: It's unconstitutional

Don't ...

... about his Mormon beliefs.
(It's Unconstitutional!)

So now we know why Mitt Romney won't talk about his Mormon beliefs. It's prohibited by the constitution.

Here's what he said in his long-awaited "I'm no Jack Kennedy" speech.

There are some who would have a presidential candidate describe and explain his church's distinctive doctrines. To do so would enable the very religious test the founders prohibited in the Constitution.

So if Mitt's interpretation of the no religious test clause is correct, then reporters can't ask and Mitt can't tell us about his Mormon beliefs.

And voters can't consider a candidate's religious views (no matter how dangerous or bizarre) as a factor in selecting a president. It is unconstitutional for any voter to even think about the fact that Romney wears holy underwear.

I'm sure Mitt wishes it were otherwise. He'd love to share his Mormon faith with us. To explain the details of celestial marriage, the whereabouts of the planet Kolob, baptism of the dead, blood atonement, Jesus' little brother Satan, etc.

But he can't. It would be unconstitutional. He can't talk about it and we can't think about it.

I guess that means he won't have to lie about it anymore.

04 December 2007

Name your dog Muhammad

The Sudanese government released Gillian Gibbons, who was imprisoned for allowing her students to name a teddy bear Muhammad. If it weren't for British intervention, she might have gotten 40 lashes or even faced the death penalty. I guess it offends Muslims when inanimate objects are named Muhammad.

Which is why I now name pretty much everything Muhammad. I named my bike Muhammad, and my favorite rocking chair. And my laptop. I just wish I had a teddy bear. Oh well, maybe Santa will bring me one for Christmas. (Some brave person should sell "Muhammad" teddy bears. She'd probably make a fortune before getting beheaded.)

But the best thing to name Muhammad is a dog.

Muhammad didn't like dogs much. He thought that they were dirty and evil (black ones especially). He said that angels refuse to enter a house if there's dog a inside, and that whatever good deeds a person might do are undone by owning a dog.

So do a good deed that can't be undone. Name your dog Muhammad. (I think I will, if I can talk my wife into letting me have one.)

03 December 2007

Would Jesus Stone Larry Craig?

Someone should ask Mike Huckabee.

Because in last week's YouTube debate, Huckabee said this when asked if he believed in every word of the Bible:

Sure I believe that the Bible is exactly what it is. It's the word of revelation to us from God Himself. And the fact is that when people ask do we believe all of it, you either believe it or you don't believe it.

Well, then, here's what the Bible says about about Larry Craig.

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13

So according to Mike Huckabee this commandment is the "revelation to us from God himself" and "you either believe it or you don't believe it."

Huckabee claims to believe it. The question is, would he do it? Would he stone Larry Craig (assuming the recent stories about him are true)?